The week before Thanksgiving I was hurrying to tie up loose ends at work. My imaginary clip board of lists was going to be perfectly checked off as tasks were being accomplished in splendid sequence. I was confident all would be settled before our travels. Once the house was spick and span I became the obnoxiously cheerful Christmas caroler buzzing around like one of Santa's helpers.
Seemingly out of nowhere I was hit with some pervasive anxiety. Still jolly, I began implementing the guaranteed psychology tool of positive self-talk. After running to a client's house I noticed, the moment I was back in my car, the anxiety was still present. This observation began to penetrate my merriment. Annoyed that I had done the work of self-talk to no avail, I not so consciously tried to shrug off or ignore the pesty uneasiness.
Later in the day, I had to meet another client at their place of employment. Back in the car I went and again was accompanied by the unpleasant feeling. At this point I whispered a weak prayer something like, “God please take this anxiety from me.”
After the meeting and back in the car the feeling returned. This time I said out loud, “I feel like I am going to be in an accident!” As soon as I identified the source of the dread and confessed it, I was filled with an empowerment of Holy Spirit. I rebuked the plans of the enemy and professed the protection of God. Instantly, I felt better and pulled out of the parking lot. A moment later my rear view mirror revealed a huge SUV barreling down the road like a maniac. The SUV was weaving in and out of traffic on a busy Charlotte street and quickly passed my little compact Prius.
No sooner did I sigh a breath of relief than my eyes beheld the monstrous vehicle hit a truck, only two cars in front of me! The two oversized automobiles crashed together like titans and the SUV went flying in the air after smashing the roof of the truck.
Gasping in shock I managed to eke out a thanks to the Lord. All of us surrounding the accident stopped. Both the driver of the SUV and the truck walked out of their vehicles and seemed fine, other than being visibly shaken.
After calling my husband, I learned that he had a prompting from Holy Spirit and had been praying for protection over me and our daughter all day. We praised God together and spoke of the power of prayer.
Later in reflection, I realized that the unsettled feeling might not have been a demonic ploy to steal my joy but may have been godly discernment. What a waste it would have been to explain my anxiety away or worse yet ignore it all together. While it's easy for us to categorize some feelings as good and others as bad; feelings were designed by God to get our attention. Feelings are not to rule us or guide us but to alert us of our need for a Savior.
My half hearted prayer for relief was not the instrument of divine protection, but rather a deep connection to myself and the confession of my experience to Christ. From that place of connection to both myself and God, I was able to utilize the spiritual tools.
This morning my devotional reads, “ The door is shut on our side, not God's. As soon as we will “say so,” the door opens and the salvation for which we believe is ours in actual possession. Things only become clear as we say them. Too often we are like the child who will not do anything but murmur. We grouse and refuse to say the emancipating word which is within our reach all the time. As soon as we say the emancipating word, we undo the door and there rushes into us a higher and better life, and the revelation becomes real.”
Thank you Oswald Chambers, you have once again nailed it! Part of the reason we keep the door shut to God is because we don't even open it to ourselves. We disregard the door that would usher in the healing we desperately need. Jesus paid the price for our freedom, we need only be honest and humble ourselves.
A secure connection to self creates an environment of clearer presence and truth. This state allows God's healing and redemptive power to flow more easily and allows the reality of 1 Corinthians 1:18 into our lives.
Do you have any doors shut or parts of your soul that are closed off to yourself and/or God?
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