Not If But When?

Babies born in the eighties got the best childhoods as nineties kids. The mixtapes of our adolescence tilted holy and a little grunge, with bands like Jars of Clay, Audio Adrenaline, Third Day, and DC Talk. Oh, and Church! Evangelical Church didn’t just preach sermons; we had full-scale productions of Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames—designed to instill a healthy dose of holy fear. My grandma sealed my theological fate with a T-shirt that read “Heaven Yes” on the front and “Hell No” on the back. She meant for me to be a walking altar call at my public school, but I just thought it looked edgy.

 

Many of us latchkey kids made up the gap generation in our families. Our grandparents had more than just one or two children, leaving wide spaces between siblings. By the time the first grandkids arrived, some aunts and uncles were still teens themselves—half babysitters, half playmates, all trying to grow up at once.

 

As a gap kid, I learned by watching. Every choice around me felt like a lesson in real time. The cautionary tales were endless—some whispered, some played out loud—but all of them carried the same message: Don’t make the same mistakes. Do better because you know better.

 

I was sure I could learn from other people’s mistakes and save myself some consequences and hopefully all the heartache. In 1995 DC Talk released the album Jesus Freak with the song What If I Stumble? The chorus asked: What if I stumble? What if I fall? What if I lose my step and make fools of us all? Will the love continue when the walk becomes a crawl?

 

Those are some deep theological questions, revealing the fragility of the human heart.

 

Thirty years later (yes, millennials, it’s been a full 30 years), all three members of DC Talk have faced their own epic falls. Toby McKeehan (TobyMac) tragically lost his 21-year-old son to a fentanyl overdose. Kevin Max has publicly deconstructed his faith, and Michael Tait struggles with addiction and recent allegations of decades of sexual misconduct have come to light.

 

Like the band members, I’ve had my fair share of calamity and have managed to botch my life up grandiosely, despite “knowing better.” It’s no longer a question of What if I stumble, but when.

Isn’t that the theme of the Bible itself? From Adam to Saul to Judas Iscariot, we see weakness turn to disaster—and we shudder. Yet heroes like Abraham, David, and Peter give us hope that we can overcome our failures and come back to God.

 

In these examples, we see parallels in bad behavior but polar opposites in response. The first camp justifies or hides sin, with no real repentance, leading to spiritual death which leaves a curse for future generations. The second camp acknowledges sin with genuine repentance (not just regret) and receives wisdom, maturity, and redemption, creating a legacy of life.

 

But we have some more complicated figures to consider. What of Samson or Jonah? Samson used what was meant to deliver Israel for his own personal vengeance and pleasure. Judges 16:20 states, “Samson did not know that the Lord had departed from him.” He was then led into cruel bondage because of his sin. It’s unclear whether his final prayer to God came from a place of true repentance or if the old vindictive sinner simply wanted the last blow. Regardless, Samson was brought low but believed God would strengthen him. Perhaps that is why he landed in the Hebrews 11, infamous “Hall of Faith.”

 

Unlike most sinners, who don’t believe there is a God worth repenting to, let alone obeying, Jonah knew God and His redemption—yet he wanted to begrudge an entire people group the power of repentance! Every Sunday school pupil knows about the three days in the belly of a whale, but few know the whole story. After blatant disobedience, a storm, becoming fish food, arguably forced obedience, and the miraculous repentance of the Ninevites, God gave Jonah a tree for comfort—and then took it away. At best, Jonah’s repentance is ambiguous, and his bitterness explicit. The rebellious prophet didn’t make the Hebrews 11 list, but Jesus referred to Jonah as a foreshadowing of His death and resurrection (Matthew 12). The book of Jonah is only four chapters and worth reading. In spite of Jonah’s extreme bitterness, he continued an honest dialogue with God.

 

All these examples prove that God uses imperfect people. Perhaps the greater message is found in the bridge of our DC Talk song: “Then I hear You whispering my name. You say, ‘My love for you will never change. Never change.’”

 

Redemption is such an inspiring concept. But the greater gift is simply His love for us. His love is unchanging, regardless of our behavior or even our redemption. God’s love for Samson and Jonah didn’t end. It didn’t end for Adam, Saul, or Judas Iscariot either. Why does that matter? Because it proves His love is far greater than we can comprehend.