Canyons & Fireworks

A powerhouse mentor recently expounded on the topic of disappointment in light of the beauty of God. Tearfully she testified that beholding the Lord’s beauty utterly obliterates disappointment. The recipient of majesty is left with only one response: God is worth it all. But what exactly is disappointment? An AI overview explains: “Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction, sadness, or frustration that occurs when one’s hopes, expectations, or desires are not met. It is a psychological response to a gap between reality and what was anticipated.” A psychological response to a gap between reality and what was anticipated—disappointment is a gap! What I see in Scripture is that disappointment is a place almost all believers will eventually find themselves. Some may even live there for a season, because believers are in a constant state of trusting God’s goodness while living in a fallen world. Joseph is often preached as a prime example of overcoming disappointment. Yet when I read...

Babies born in the eighties got the best childhoods as nineties kids. The mixtapes of our adolescence tilted holy and a little grunge, with bands like Jars of Clay, Audio Adrenaline, Third Day, and DC Talk. Oh, and Church! Evangelical Church didn’t just preach sermons; we had full-scale productions of Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames —designed to instill a healthy dose of holy fear. My grandma sealed my theological fate with a T-shirt that read “Heaven Yes” on the front and “Hell No” on the back. She meant for me to be a walking altar call at my public school, but I just thought it looked edgy.   Many of us latchkey kids made up the gap generation in our families. Our grandparents had more than just one or two children, leaving wide spaces between siblings. By the time the first grandkids arrived, some aunts and uncles were still teens themselves—half babysitters, half playmates, all trying to grow up at once.   As a gap kid, I learned by watching. Every choice around ...

It’s happened again.  Busyness, pouring out, showing up, all work and no play — and bam , I’m burnt out. Nothing left to give. Despite my outgoing nature, I need to retreat. Phase one: do my nails. Phase two: an expensive trip to Marshalls. Phase three: excuse myself from some normal engagements. Phase four: tell my hubby I need a day out in nature with him. Quite frankly, I’m sick of myself. My workouts have decreased. My career demands that my phone always be by my side, and unfortunately, I’ve turned to social media far too much. Now that I work from home, I’m beginning to feel in a slump in my own space. My haven is muddied by my workday. All of these things combined have me looking at what needs to change. I need to lose weight. I need a new house with a legitimate separate office. I need more business prospects. My hair is thinning, and time is slipping. Gratitude fades, and desire screams. To make matters worse I feel terrible for complaining. So much of my life is th...

Today I'm revisting two posts from June of this year. My regular devotional reading has me back in Ezekiel and back to the four living creatures. With the Hebrew calendar ending in September, today was the first day I asked the Lord for my word for this upcoming Hebrew year. All things considered, I felt it necessary to revist these posts. Now, I know of at least one dream that was not from the Lord. I'm not sure I am done learning about the ox, but I've learned a little.  If I were a Bird Recently I had three separate people, in three distinct settings begin a thought with, "If I were a bird."  Bizarre, right? At the first comment, I began to joyfully hear Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like a Bird" song in my head. By the third comment, in a matter of just forty-eight hours, I was curious. I could not recall ever hearing anyone share such a thought before, and then to have a few in a short matter of time had me wondering. Seemed either an odd coincidence...

Today, we are revisting a post from July 13, 2023. One thing we can count on is changing emotions. One day we deal with intense anger, the next extreme apathy. Our emotions may not be wise, but they are telling. Never Ignore I came cruising into my day refreshed and ready to go. Then, I experienced anger. Someone's misinformation inconvenienced my easy, breezy day.  Anger is one of those emotions I find less becoming than others. I was trying to calm myself down when Holy Spirit reminded me that I was not designed to reconcile my emotions on my own. In the past, I have fallen prey to ignoring and stuffing my emotions, but nowadays, I am more likely to try and reconcile my emotions on my own. Perhaps when I have "figured out" what needs to change, I then might go to God to request said changes. Today, I managed to be reminded that God likes us to come to Him raw. In the heat of anger or depths of despair, He wants to be invited into what we are feeling, thinking, and exper...

Today we are revisting a blog from March 8th, 2023. I am happy to announce that my sister did land on her feet, and my sweet nephew just took his first two steps this week. God has been good! Changed by Love Redemption is such a hopeful concept. To maintain the full power of redemption we need transformation. Aw transformation - the chance to change for the better! I don't know about you, but I like the possibility of positive change. I want to be more full of faith, hope, and love in all circumstances and for every person.  Today, my hardworking, talented, precious sister was told her teaching job will be cut to part-time next school year. To make matters worse she is three months pregnant. Horrible timing! As she explained through tears and voiced her concerns my heart ached for her heart. Surprisingly, I was optimistic about her situation. I believe this change, while unwelcomed, will facilitate constructive adjustments. Surely she will transition to a more fulfilling position a...

Today we are revisting a post from August 18th, 2023. How important it is for each of us to rightly balance wisdom and authority in our own lives. That balance becomes more crucially necessary in marriage. Wisdom & Authority  My husband and I had our routine check-ups this week. He is an emergency room nurse and promptly schedules all of our appointments. For two decades of my adult life, I took care of these matters myself. His planning is a welcome change in married life. He is also handy and takes immaculate care of our yard. Really I won the husband lottery because he also cooks, cleans, and is good at basically everything.   Not that he does everything. We share a fairly even distribution of responsibilities in running our household and raising our daughter. I may not be handy, but I was a responsible homeowner before we met. As someone who left home at 17 and married at 37, I learned how to take care of things on my own, but life is better together. Both my husb...

A recent visit from my family has reminded me of a truth. Most children end up marrying a version of their primary caregiver. Below is a poem I wrote reflecting this fact, as well as a blog post from May 14, 2023. <My Spoon Full of Sugar> I married Mary Poppins. It is true.  No surprise for Mary is my mother too. They sing in the morning and like things tidy and clean. No time for nonsense or excuses, only good behavior will do. They are stern, responsible and  sensible…  a little vain and irritable too. They never explain anything but are diligent caretakers  paying  their  due. Yet he is my spoonful of sugar helping the medicine of life  go down. He loves with delicately balanced   quesadillas and grilled cheese. She loved with neatly cut and arrayed platters of fruits and veggies. He is “practically perfect in every way,”  or so they say. Attractive, enthusiastic, and well dressed, busy but playful. They cook and clean, work and...

This week's revisited archived post is from May 26, 2023.  Yesterday I finished the short series Howard's End . The main character, Margaret Schlegel, gives a beautiful explanation of worth in regard to her marriage choice. Margaret's wise words to her sister, "I do not intend to correct him, or reform him. Only connect. That is the whole of my sermon. I have not undertaken to fashion a husband to suit myself using Henry's soul as raw materials." Wisdom & Worth Wedding season is peaking! What better book to read than the Song of Solomon in a month full of marriage? The book of poems is rather sensual for biblical times and reflects God's intense desire for us, His bride; but there is more... Interestingly, the Song of Solomon is considered one of the five books of wisdom and, more specifically, one of the three books of Solomon's wisdom.   In chapter two the bride says, "My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me!" (MSG) What is He ...

Today's repost is from August 23, 2023. Remembering David's exchange with priest Ahimelek is timely for me. David had to leave everything behind but God highlighted which part of David's past was still anointed. Goliath's Sword  When I worked in childcare, I noticed almost every little boy's favorite Bible story was David and Goliath. Any other narrative was a distant runner-up. I remember one preschooler coloring over a handout of Goliath looming tall above a sling in David's hand. The enthusiast declared he was going to take Goliath's sword and "kill Satan with it, just like David!" We teachers enjoyed the toddler's zeal and rested in the knowledge that his theology had time to mature.  Who doesn't admire King David? The neglected son who became a giant killer, the harpist who dispelled an evil spirit, and the anointed king who was reduced to a hunted fugitive tugs on heart strings of men and women alike. Young David had more life experie...

I have decided that July and August will serve as a type of Sabbath rest from blogging. Instead of writing something new, I will repost from my archives.   This week, I am reposting from March 4, 2023. The title is "Low and Slow." I hope you enjoyed it. It certainly was a good reminder for me.  LOW & SLOW    I am trying a new pot roast recipe with a surprising ingredient: dill pickle juice. Garlic is one of the not so surprising elements. Aw garlic... extra garlic, onion, and herbs have always found their way into dishes I prepare. Recently, I upgraded from minced garlic to fresh garlic that I roasted myself. Yum!     Today, I am especially grateful for my friend of busy days, the crock pot. A long list of demands and errands will fill my day, but I still would like a nice dinner, and pot roast is one of my favorites that does not require constant attention.  All I had to do was get everything in the pot so it could cook low and slow.  On...

Madeleine Hancey, also known as Fancy, was a fatherless child without direction or purpose. She spent her days not in quixotic daydreams but in a sort of fog that permeated mind and soul. The haze served as both a protector of unpleasantries and stifler of intrigues. In early adulthood Fancy was awakened out of her slumber and carried away into the world of indulgence, excitement, and merriment. The once dreamless sleeper began to envision many possibilities. It was in her twenties that she acquired the endearment, Fancy, a spin on her surname. Fancy romanticized every aspect of her life. She wore long flowing dresses and imagined herself as though at a European market when simply picking up flowers at the grocery store, something she did weekly. Fancy hosted dinner parties to enjoy the eclectic array of personalities found among her friends.  She lodged in a modest home lined by a thin tree line but to Fancy it was something like a cottage in the woods from her favorite childhood ...

I hear a lot of criticism launched at the church today. People are unsatisfied when the worship music is "boring" and upset when it's "too much like a concert." Disapproval follows sermons preached in the topical style, but church members don't understand the exegetical style. A friend of mine once shared some ministry woes from her years as a preacher's wife. Her husband first preached at a small church and was compensated very little. Given their meager budget, their children's clothing could not keep up with the latest styles. Sadly, their daughter was severely bullied by other girls at the church for not being fashionable enough.  The same friend suffered more scorn a few years later. Her husband moved to a different church and was paid a little bit more, but the family was still on a tight budget. My friend got a job at a department store and as an employee, she received a much needed discount. More importantly, she got first dibs at the sales r...

This walk of faith is full of many realignments, corrections, disciplines, and times of repentance. In an effort to purify our belief system sometimes God takes matters a step further with a total master rest. According to google a master reset "restores an electronic device to its original state by erasing all data, settings, and applications." This explanation carries a harder punch than the already humbling journey of transformation and indicates that the master has taken charge. No longer is the believer exercizing their will to die to the flesh but rather the Master is killing it. The great fish that offered Johah a three days and three nights stay in his belly, is probably one of the best biblical examples of such a rewiring. Considering the persecution of the martyrs of our faith, the free cruise Johah received isn't half bad,  but I would still opt for an alternative (it's OK to laugh). This past Sunday I woke up to the phrase, "Pearls stored in dark plac...

Last week we were given thick imagery in both Ezekiel and Revelation of what is going on in heaven in regard to the four living creatures. If you are like me, you have questions. Most scholars believe the four creatures represent the four gospels. The man is believed to represent the Gospel of Matthew because the book begins with Jesus' genealogy as a human.  Mark can be symbolized by the lion. The book of Mark starts off not with Jesus but His forerunner, John the Baptist who was like a roaring lion.  The seed that grows by itself (Mark 2:26-29) is only mentioned in the Gospel of Mark.  This idea peers back to the garden where vegetation grew without toil and man had dominion. The "king of the jungle" easily encapsulates ideas of dominance.  Luke is the only gospel that details Jesus' birth and infancy. Labor is painful and the mother sacrifices herself for new life. The Gospel of Luke is depicted by an ox because of all the gospels, Luke focuses the most on the sac...

Recently I had three separate people, in three distinct settings begin a thought with, "If I were a bird."  Bizarre, right? At the first comment, I began to joyfully hear Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like a Bird" song in my head. By the third comment, in a matter of just forty-eight hours, I was curious. I could not recall ever hearing anyone share such a thought before, and then to have a few in a short matter of time had me wondering. Seemed either an odd coincidence or God was getting my attention.      Just as I was pondering my options a new worship song came across my feed, "If I Were a Bird" by Mission House. Turns out the song is at least two years old but it was new to me. Right then and there, I opted for the “God was speaking” to me option.      I have a dear friend who, not long ago, received a prophetic word that she is like an indigo bunting. The name itself seems fitting for my beautiful confidant, but the unique details of the f...

Something about a rainy day awakens my pen. Sure, a cozy blanket and cup of tea are delightful when storms roll in, but nothing compares to listening to an instrumental melody in the midst of a consistent shower as I scribe my imaginations. The combination of chords and a wet outpouring serve as the perfect muse. Perhaps that is why some of our most enjoyed pieces of literature hail from rainy Great Britain.  The very words used for precipitation are inspiring. Sometimes the weather sprinkles in a new idea or two, while other times a deluge of thought floods the mind and page. Fluffy clouds often bring to mind a mizzle of feelings, but a dark covering carries in a torrent of intense emotions. The sounds of rainfall on a tin roof drizzle a certain charm, yet a streak of lightning escorted by the sound of thunder brings a cloudburst of fear and excitement.  Think of the sensation associated with a mist, flurry, or spate! Few words can titillate quite as effectively as those asso...

A part of scripture I have never understood is 2 Samuel 15. King David's family is in a dysfunction mess. The king's oldest and heir to the throne has defiled his sister and paid a deadly price. The punishment came not from the king or law but David's other son, Absolom.   Absolom took murderous vengeance on his brother and is now leading a coup to overthrow his father. King David decides to leave the city, and when the high priest offers to have the Ark of the Covenant of God carried with him, David declines the offer. This decision to leave the Ark behind may seem hopeless or at least questionable. The Ark had been credited for winning military victories, and David was about to fight his much beloved and much younger son.  Verses 25 and 26 give David's response. "If the Lord sees fit, He will bring me back to see the Ark and the Tabernacle again. But if He is through with me, then let Him do what seems best to Him." (NLT) This section of scripture is reminis...

This week, my husband and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. We were friends for a year and became best friends before our seven month courtship. It's hard to remember my life before we were together and the happiness we now share. We love each other deeply, but I think the biggest contributor to our happy home is that we appreciate one another. He makes it easy for me because he is a rare unicorn. My husband cooks, cleans, and leads our family spiritually. I may not deserve how great he is, but our marriage is a testament that God answers prayer! As wonderful as Rob is, he is not perfect. Despite all of his exceptional qualities (and yes, there are a lot), he can not possibly meet all of my needs. Only God is capable of such a feat. With any relationship comes an invitation to focus on the good, and another invitation to focus on the shortcomings. Perhaps that is why my pastor promotes Philippians 4:8 as the most important scripture to memorize, "And now dear broth...

According to attachment theory, our attachment is developed between birth and two or three years old. So often we hear things like, "No reason to celebrate the first birthday because the baby is too little to remember." I wonder if babies can feel celebrated. If so, those feelings are stored in the unconscious mind and nervous system. Our nervous system plays a part in almost everything we do and is our personal history keeper. May is mental health awareness month. I am a huge advocate for professional counseling, specifically professional Christian counseling.  That said, counseling deals mainly in the conscious and subconscious mind. Yet, our attachment is developed in a timezone outside of memory.  To address imperfections or traumas from our non-verbal unconscious beginnings, we must employ techniques that allow us to enter into a similar state.  Christian meditation is the practice of Psalm 46:10 (Be still and know that I am God). Meditation is not a time of prayer, ...